Whoever you voted for, and even if you are horrified by this election as I am, there is something you need to understand.
The pain that women, people of color, non-Christians, immigrants, LGTBQ people, and others who have been discriminated against, marginalized, threatened, attacked, and otherwise disenfranchised over time is real. The emotion is real. We are hurting, not just for ourselves, but for our friends, and for our brothers, sisters, and children of all races, creeds, and gender orientation, and for the world. We fear for all of them, we hurt for all of them.
To some of us, the results of this election mean that the country we love and have contributed to in so many positive ways has turned its back on us. These results tell us we don't matter; that is it better to be a white, heterosexual, Christian man - even a racist, misogynistic, lying selfish bully of a white man - than to be anyone or anything else.
Please hear this. Please hear that if you love and care for us, do not "mansplain" to us the reasons this happened; do not try to rationalize it; do not patronize us by saying it will be o.k.; that it's not a big deal. Do not say we are overreacting; that we are being "too emotional;" do not try to comfort us with meaningless platitudes - even though may think you are helping. Don't tell us to "get over it," or make "helpful suggestions" about how we can deal with our pain; and don't marginalize us further by denying it. Because when you do that, it tells us that we - and what we feel - doesn't matter; and is not real. This pain is real. It DOES matter - and saying otherwise - no matter how well-intentioned, does not help; it hurts and betrays us.
What we need is for you to listen, to hold space for us, to let us cry and scream and rage if we need to. We need you to hear, and to acknowledge, and to simply be there, knowing that you support us. And we need you to know that you don't have to be "strong" or control your own emotions, or "fix things," - and that it's o.k. if you cry and scream and rage with us if you need to. Please know that is better for you to hold us in your arms and in your hearts, and say nothing than to try to explain or to minimize what we feel.
We will heal - all of us will heal - but it will take time. We will find ways to overcome this, and to take positive action, in time. But right now, just be there in support and solidarity and love.
Your loving sister,
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